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What is domestic violence?
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence, dating violence, or interpersonal violence is a pattern of abusive, controlling, and manipulative behavior used by an abuser to maintain power and control in a relationship. This includes behaviors such as:
-humiliating their partner
-not allowing their partner to spend time with friends
-keeping their partner’s income in their bank account
-regularly going through their partner’s things
-threatening to harm or take children
-hitting, pushing, slapping or otherwise physically harming their partner
-sexual assault and coercion
Domestic Violence can be Prevented by Everyone
Someone in the middle of an abusive relationship may not realize, not feel safe leaving, or are being manipulated by their abuser to stay (for example, by threatening suicide if the victim leaves). This rests the responsibility to recognize and offer support on everyone’s shoulders.
Domestic Violence is not about Anger or Substance Use
Many people view abusive relationships as a scared wife and angry, drunk husband. This creates excuses of emotionality or intoxication for the abusive behavior. Domestic violence occurs when the abuser decides to maintain a high level power and control over the victim without regard to their dignity or boundaries. Domestic violence can increase with either of these factors, but it can also occur when the abuser is calm.
Domestic Violence can Happen to Anyone
Domestic violence affects 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men nationally (CDC, 2015). Experiencing domestic violence is not something you can be ‘too strong’ or ‘too smart’ for. Domestic violence does not reflect the constitution or integrity of the victim, it reflects the attitudes of the abuser. Experiencing domestic violence does not make someone less of a man, nor does it make someone weak. In fact, there is great strength and pervasiveness in surviving domestic violence.
What is Sexual Violence?
Sexual violence is any type of non-consensual sexual touch, it can but does not have to include physical force, and it can but does not have to include penetration. Sexual violence covers a wide range of behaviors from non-consensual sexual contact -such as someone’s buttocks or breast being grabbed in public- to non-consensual penetration and envelopment (or sexual assault, also known as rape).
What is Consent?
Consent is an agreement to participate in agreed-upon sexual activities. It is given freely (without coercion), knowingly (without intoxication), and by someone who is of age (laws differ by state). Consent can be withdrawn if something changes or one party does not want to anymore.
There is no 'One Type' of Sexual Violence
Many think sexual assault (or rape) only occurs to drunk women in alleys late at night by strangers. The truth is that sexual violence is a broad term that encompasses many behaviors. By and large, sexual violence is perpetrated by acquaintances (RAINN, 2017) against both men and women (RAINN, n.d.), with and without alcohol (CDC, 2015) and can happen anywhere; in a home, at a bar, outside, or elsewhere.
Sexual Assault only Happens when Someone Perpetrates it
Sexual violence is non-consensual, meaning that the other party was not active, willing, and knowing. Environmental factors like wearing short clothing, drinking alcohol, or entering someone’s home do not constitute consent, or imply that a victim ‘wanted’ to experience sexual violence. Sometimes, events can lead one to an expectation for sex, but if the other party does not consent, then any further sexual activity is unacceptable.
Men can Experience Sexual Assault
Statistics on sexual assault for men are inconsistent because some define rape as 'non-consensual penetration’, and do not account for ‘forceful envelopment’/’made to penetrate’. This misunderstanding is also propagated by the idea that men can physically prevent their own assault, which is not always the case if a man is intoxicated, and ignores the ‘freeze’ response that humans have to danger. Additionally, that does not occur when young boys are being coerced by an adult or authority figure.
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This agency is an equal opportunity provider.